What Does It Mean to Deny Yourself?

My wife hates buffets. Maybe you do, too. I love them. I like the fact that I can get pizza, fried chicken, mashed potatoes, and ice cream at the same restaurant. Buffets have options. Do you want pizza? Grab a slice. Do you want a salad? Fill a bowl. Want steak? Medium or rare? (Well done should be criminalized!). Buffets are consumer friendly. Following Jesus isn’t.

In the call to discipleship, Jesus didn’t mince words. In the Gospel of Matthew, Jesus said, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me (16:24).” There is a cost to following Jesus. What’s the price? Autonomy.

Jesus gives three commands in this passage: deny, take, and follow. What did Jesus mean when He uttered these words?

Deny

To deny something is to refuse to give or grant. For example, I may choose to deny my children snacks before dinnertime. I may decide to deny them a new toy at the store. In those moments, I choose not to allow them to have something they want. What does Jesus call disciples to deny? Themselves. Disciples are to live selfless lives.

Following Jesus comes at the cost of self-rule. Our wisdom, will, and desires are not to reign supreme in our lives; Christ is. If we wish to follow Christ, we must abandon autonomy. We are not to seek our interests but God’s. We are not out for our glory but His. Calvin wrote, “This is the great progress in the Christian life—that we nearly forget ourselves, that in all matters we hold our own concerns in less esteem, and that we faithfully strive to devote our energies to God and His commands.”¹

Brett McCracken writes, “Christianity requires the submission of one’s individual will to the lordship of Christ.”² Jesus’ call for self-denial is a call to flee from self-rule. I know…some people think that’s rude, especially in our age of tolerance and acceptance. But here’s the thing: it’s not. Jesus’ call to deny oneself is a loving, gracious, and merciful command.

It’s not loving for me, as a parent, to give my kids all that their hearts desire. If they wish to run into traffic, would I be loving to grant their request? I wouldn’t think so! In the same way, God isn’t calling us to deny ourselves because of some inherent desire to keep us from joy. On the contrary, He desires to lead us into joy. John Piper said it well. He writes, “God is not a killjoy; He just opposes what kills joy.”

Are you denying yourself? Are you saying “no” to your desires and “yes” to His? This is the call to discipleship. We cannot follow Christ if we are full of ourselves. Ask yourself, “Am I giving in to the desires of my flesh, or am I seeking to love Christ with all of my heart, soul, mind, and strength?”

Christy Gambrell says, “Self-denial, then, is intentional disowning of the self, or stepping away from relationship with the self as primary. Jesus is not making a statement about whether the self is bad, but about who we are most closely associated with. Who is our primary allegiance to—him, or ourselves?”³

Take

David Platt writes, “For the early disciples, the language of taking up your cross would have immediately brought to mind images of crucifixion. Anyone carrying his cross was a dead man walking. Your life as you once knew it was over.”⁴

We cannot follow Jesus and continue to live according to our former ways of life. Following Jesus is costly. To take your cross means you die to yourself. Taking one’s cross is the beginning of a new way of life. As Steven Lawson writes, “To carry your cross is not a one-time act, reserved for the beginning of following Christ. Cross-bearing must be a daily experience and will continue the entirety of your life.” ⁵

The call to follow Christ is the call to follow Him unconditionally. No matter the cost. Christ is king. We must follow Him as such. We don’t know where this relationship will take us. It may take us to prison. It may take us through various trials. It may take us to our deaths. Regardless, we are to follow Him to the end. Why? He’s worthy of such commitment.

The call to deny ourselves and take up our crosses is to willingly deny ourselves comfort, fame, power, or the preservation of our lives. We don’t reserve the right to pick and choose when and where we will follow. A disciple of Jesus follows Him no matter the destination. Again, He is worthy of such a commitment.

Follow Me

The question is not what we follow, but who do we follow? Disciples of Christ follow Christ. We pattern our lives after His. We imitate Him. We seek to obey Him. Everyone serves someone or something. Lawson writes, “Either a person lives under the governing power of sin or under the grace of Jesus. You either obey Christ, as your loving and righteous master—or you obey sin, which enslaves you and brings death and destruction.”⁶

To follow Christ is to follow Him openly and unapologetically. Our discipleship to Christ is meant to be lived out before the watching world. You cannot follow Christ faithfully and keep it a secret. Jesus says, “For whoever is ashamed of me and My words in this adulterous and sinful generation, the Son of Man will also be ashamed of him when He comes in the glory of His Father with holy angels (Mark 8:38).”

We are to follow Christ continuously. Again, this is not a one-time event. The call to follow Christ is a call to follow Him daily. Again, Lawson is helpful. He writes, “You must never take a day off from following Him. There is never a sabbatical from following Him. No matter who you are with. No matter where you find yourself. You are to be always living for Christ in season and out of season. When it is convenient and when it is inconvenient. When it is accepted and when it is not accepted.“⁷

This may sound foolish to some. However, listen to how Jesus ends. He says, “For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it (Matt. 16:25).” Live for yourself, and you will die. Die to yourself, and you will live. The path to joy, freedom, and everlasting life is not found within ourselves but in Christ.

Paul Tripp once said, “Human beings by their very nature are worshipers. Worship is not something we do; it defines who we are. You cannot divide human beings into those who worship and those who don’t. Everybody worships; it’s just a matter of what, or whom, we serve.”

Joshua said it well, “Choose this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your fathers served in the region beyond the River, or the gods of the Amorites in whose land you dwell. But as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord (Joshua 24:15).”

Jonah says, “Those who pay regard to vain idols forsake their hope of steadfast love (Jonah 2:8).”

Choose this day whom you will serve. As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.

Soli Deo Gloria,

Josh Chambers

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