10 Ways to Care for Your Pastor

As a fellow pastor, I understand the discomfort that can come with discussing this topic. It’s not about pointing fingers or adopting a ‘woe is me’ attitude. Instead, I want to share specific ways that churches have uplifted me, in the hope that you can use these to support your own pastors.

Pastoral ministry is hard work. Your pastor may not tell you that, but it’s the truth. Weekly, your pastor labors to serve the church, praying their flock will grow in the grace and knowledge of the Lord. Pastors (typically) work long hours, many of which are spent preparing sermons, counseling individuals and families through brokenness, leading meetings, and managing staff.

I had the opportunity to meet with a dying church member recently and talk with the family. They mentioned that pastoral ministry seems exhausting and difficult. They said they’re sure that pastors struggle with PTSD or some form of trauma. Pastors do seem to struggle. Consider these statistics:

70% of pastors say they have lower self-esteem than when they entered the ministry.
70% of pastors say they struggle with depression
50% of pastors say they would leave their ministry if they could, but they can’t find another job.
70% of pastors say they don’t have someone they consider a close friend.¹

Preparing for this article, I read a piece by The New York Times on “Why Pastors are Burning Out.” Here’s what the writer said:

In the Barna study, the top reported reasons for clergy burnout were the same ones that people in the population at large face: stress, loneliness and political division. But these stressors affect pastors in a unique way. Pastors bear not only their own pain but also the weight of an entire community’s grief, divisions and anxieties. They are charged with the task of continuing to love and care for even those within their church who disagree with them vehemently and vocally. These past years required them to make decisions they were not prepared for that affected the health and spiritual formation of their community, and any decisions they made would likely mean that someone in their church would feel hurt or marginalized.²

This is not okay. Churches are not served well when the pastor(s) struggle. The writer of Hebrews says, “Obey your leaders and submit to them, for they are keeping watch over your souls, as those who will have to give an account. Let them do this with joy and not with groaning, for that would be of no advantage to you (Heb. 13:17, emphasis added).”

So, how can churches care for their pastor(s)? Let me offer 10 ways to help you consider how to serve your pastor better.

Pray for them

Pastors are people, members of the church, who struggle, need help, face unique spiritual battles daily, and confront others’ brokenness and sin. They must also lead. They are given specific qualifications (1 Tim. 3:1-7; Titus 1:7-9), and their jobs depend on meeting those qualifications. Pastors must care for their church and their family. In fact, their family is their primary ministry. If they can’t lead, serve, and care for their family, they shouldn’t lead, serve, or care for the church in a pastoral position.

Pray for them. They face battles. They face brokenness. They face and struggle with temptations and sin like everyone else. Pray for them. Let them know you’re praying for them. Ask them how you can pray for them. Check on them after you’ve prayed for them to see how they’re doing. Pray with them. We’re really good at telling people, “I’ll pray for you,” but how often do we say those words and forget to pray? When the thought occurs to pray for your pastor, do it then. Pray with him, then. If you’re not around, call or text him to see if you can have a moment to pray for him on the phone. I can’t tell you how encouraging that is as a pastor. Greg Morse says, “If some spent as much time praying for their pastors as they did spotlighting their weaknesses, they might not have them anymore.”

How often do you pray for your pastor? Before the week begins, check on your pastor and see if anything is coming up that you can pray for. He may not be able to give you the explicit details, but he can let you know there are some tough items on his list for that week. Help him.

Pray for their family. Pray for the wives. Pastor wives bear a unique role within the body of Christ. Prayer is the most obvious way to care for your pastor(s) because it’s the most necessary.

Talk to Him about His Sermon

Many pastors spend a lot of time preparing to preach on Sunday. Shawn Wilhite writes, “On average, a pastor will spend anywhere from 10 to 20 hours on sermon prep.” In a good week, I spend around 16-18 hours praying, studying, and writing my sermon. However, it’s not unusual for that number to jump to around 20-25 hours.

Come ready to hear God’s Word that your pastor has faithfully and diligently prepared to bring you on Sunday mornings. Take notes during the sermon. Jot down questions. After the sermon, talk to him and let him know what encouraged you. You may have criticisms, but don’t voice those right after the service. Speaking from experience, that’s never a good time. However, you can contact him and let him know you have some questions about what he preached. There are good and bad ways to make that known (look below). But encourage him. Thank him for preaching the Word faithfully.

Show Up

This relates to the point above. After almost 20 hours of preparation, I can’t tell you how discouraging it can be to see so many members absent from the service. I’m not saying you can never miss a service. However, if your spouse labored daily to prepare a homemade meal and you consistently missed the dinner, don’t you think that would discourage them? Again, I know vacations are planned, and sickness occurs. I get that. I’m not fighting against that. I’m speaking to those who wake up and think, “I think I’ll sleep in today. I have things I need to do around the house.” How would you feel if your pastor adopted that mindset when it came to the Sunday gathering? What if you made the preparations to arrive at service on time, only to see the pastor decide not to show up? You could say, “Well, that’s his job to show up and preach.” True. But, friend, it’s also your job to show up and worship (Heb. 10:24-25). A pastor can quickly begin to think his service doesn’t matter when the sheep are consistently absent. Your presence means more than you know.

Realize He’s Human

Your pastor is a sinner. How do I know that? Because he’s human. He’s not perfect, and he will never be until Christ returns. Be gracious to him. Show kindness and understanding. Love him as you would want to be loved (Mark 12:31). I don’t know your pastor, but I can imagine that he’s trying the best he can. He won’t make the right decision every time. He will let you down. He will upset you. He will disappoint you. But you do the same to others. Be gracious to him. Try to give him the benefit of the doubt. Love doesn’t assume wrong motives immediately (1 Cor. 13:7). Show Him grace and kindness.

Don’t Shackle Him with Your Preferences

Everyone has a preference. Everyone has a way of thinking something ought to be done. Here’s the reality: your preferences may not be someone else’s. If the pastor seeks to appease your preferences, he inevitably will hurt someone else who thinks differently. The amount of contradictory opinions a pastor faces when making decisions is incredible. Who should he appease? Is he doing something sinful? If so, lovingly confront him. If not, show patience and grace, realizing that he’s probably seeking the Lord and doing what God calls him to do.

Our church has a saying: we will do what the Bible commands, not do what the Bible forbids, and use biblical wisdom for everything else. When considering a decision, I ask, “What’s biblically commanded? What’s biblically forbidden? Does the Bible shed any light on this situation?” Then I move from there. Some people want/love traditional hymns played by an organ (I do, too). Others prefer contemporary music played by a full band (I do, too). Which is right? You can see how this gets tricky for your pastor to navigate. His job is not to appease every preference but to faithfully serve the Lord as God commands in Scripture. Don’t shackle him with your preferences.

Follow His Leadership

As you read earlier, the pastor(s) are to shepherd your souls as those who will give an account to God (Hebrews 13:17). You are to submit to their leadership. As Wilhite says, “A direct correlation exists between your obedience and your elders’ joy. Work hard to submit—gladly, not begrudgingly—to their leadership. It’s your Savior’s means of providing spiritual oversight to your soul.” Trust that your pastor(s) seek the Lord and faithfully attempt to lead the church in biblical fidelity. If it’s not sinful or explicitly unwise, trust them as they lead.

Be Transparent & Direct

There will be times when you need to meet with your pastor. You may need to meet to ask clarifying questions, offer constructive criticism, or ask for help. There are good ways/bad ways to approach these meetings. I saw this from a “tweet” (do they still call it that?) from Stephen Cox. He said there are two types of ways to approach this. First, you could ask, “Hey pastor, could we talk?” that’s not bad. However, given the amount of criticism pastors often face, this approach could lead your pastor to think he’s entering another problematic situation.

A better approach could be, “Hey, pastor, could I ask you a quick question next week? Nothing bad; I just wanted your advice on ______?” Cox says, “One question probably reminds your pastor of an ambush in his past. The other leaves him thankful.” I can tell you from experience that when someone wants to meet and doesn’t want to give me a heads-up on what it’s about, my anxiety goes through the roof. It could be nothing, but not knowing makes me stress about the worst. Be transparent and direct. Your pastor will thank you. Even if it’s a criticism, he can prepare his heart to deal with that situation more faithfully. Again, put yourselves in their shoes.

Share How God is Growing You

I love hearing stories of how members are being sanctified in the Lord. These are encouraging stories for your pastor to hear. He labors faithfully daily for the glory of God and your edification. He’d love to hear what the Lord is doing in your life. Ask him to go to coffee or grab lunch so you can share the good news of God’s gospel working through you. Text him and tell him how encouraging the sermon was for you that day. These are practical ways to serve/encourage your pastor.

Build His Library

I “stole” this one from Shawn Wilhite, but it’s good! He says, “Your pastor’s library is one of his prized possessions. He loves his books, and he needs them. And he likely needs to acquire more. They will help him become a better pastor, theologian, Bible interpreter, counselor, husband, and father.

Note the short list of items Paul desired as he neared the end of his life: “When you come, bring the cloak that I left with Carpus at Troas, also the books, and above all the parchments” (2 Tim. 4:13).

At the end of his life, the imprisoned apostle wanted the companionship of his closest ministerial friends and reading material.

Don’t necessarily buy your pastor books you’re reading or think would help him. Do some digging. What’s he preaching on? What’s he studying? Does he love biblical languages? Ask one of his trusted friends. Does he have an Amazon wish list? If not, ask him to create one.”

Care for Him Financially

I saved this one for last because I didn’t want to seem selfish or greedy. That’s not my aim. As much as you can, see that your pastor is financially stable. Paul says, “Let the elders who rule well be considered worthy of double honor, especially those who labor in preaching and teaching. For the Scripture says, “You shall not muzzle an ox when it treads out the grain,” and “the laborer deserves his wages (1 Tim. 5:17-18).”

Wilhite says, “Watch his kids to give him and his wife a date night. Provide them with a family outing on your dime—perhaps anonymously. Be creative and generous with your financial care.” I’ve seen this firsthand, and it’s such an encouragement!

Conclusion

This list is not exhaustive. There are other ways you could care for your pastor. Ask yourself, though, “How am I caring for my pastor? How can we, as a church, care for him better?” Answering these questions and following these steps should help encourage him and you as you serve the Lord together.

Soli Deo Gloria,

Josh Chambers

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